When we fear Words! (Loosing Innocence)

Now what can you say from looking at that picture? A picture truly does paint a thousand words! Yet still, what about words? Ever notice the minor differences between statements, questions and rebuttals? I sure have. When my children were small, a visual queue could tell one a lot about what was going on behind the scenes (or even in their minds). Take the picture above for an example. What does the picture alone tell us? Well, let’s start with the fact that a certain small child has chosen to play with something. Upon further examination, it was found that the cookie jar had been disrupted (it was full of Oreo cookies)! So let’s review…dirty face, REALLY BIG SMILE, disturbed cookie jar…it all adds up to only one thing - - - SOMEONE HAS BEEN IN THE COOKIE JAR - - - AND MOST OF THE COOKIE DID NOT GO IN HER MOUTH! All of that makes sense right? And it goes without any further need for questions, right?

So returning to the primary subject of communications (verbal, visual, written, electronic or otherwise): What about the differences between statements, questions and rebuttals? First, in a land that holds our “Freedom of Speech” rights so very high, why do we get so offended by statements, questions or rebuttals? They are “only words” and words are not “sticks and stones”.

Yah, Yah, I know where you want to go next; what about other folks feelings or even ours? Right? Ok, let’s talk about emotions for a second. When someone says something that offends you, who has hurt who? You would probably say the person making the hurtful statement is the one responsible, but what would a qualified psychoanalyst say? They would say you “allowed” yourself to be harmed by something external that you had complete control over (namely your emotions)! Take for example my identical twin brother. When we were small, he would often say things that greatly offended me. Being the shy twin (and seldom if ever talking much), and the type of individual who was so poorly qualified to vocally defend myself, my usual response was to connect my fist to his face! Ouch!@#$%^^&* yet really who was primarily to blame? I did on occasion try to respond with a verbal jab of my own. And what was my brother’s response? He did absolutely nothing, quiet as a graveyard, in other words he totally ignored me, which once more made my fist connect with his jaw! Yep, you got the picture…I was the one out of control (at least that’s what my folks said). I had “enabled” my brother to be able to harm me, to put it simply; I was “allowing” myself to be offended. Yet my brother was more completely in control of his emotions and was “not allowing” me to harm him (vocally that is).

So who was weaker, more immature and more capable of causing harm to himself, me or my brother? It should be quite clear that the answer is “ME”! Words ARE NOT sticks and stones neither are statements, questions or rebuttals. The innocence of children was mentioned more than once in such great works as the bible and many of the Greek philosopher’s writings. All of the books mentioned that type of innocence for a reason; it is “true” innocence. Why can we not as a society be more like our children? Often when I would ask my children (early in life and then much, much later) a question, they would elect to respond with silence! Why? Isn’t it obvious? They feared the answer or perhaps they feared the need to lie. So it is with adults. We ARE afraid of questions, answers and rebuttals.

It all boils down to one simple example; when did Jesus ever refuse to answer a question put to him (in the Bible that is)? Only at the very end of his life, when he was on trial for his life and he needed to do exactly what was required in order to fulfill the scriptural Old Testament prediction of his death on a cross (for our salvation). Even when he knew the Pharisees were trying to trap him with their questions, he still answered them, because he was NOT afraid of a “Truthful” answer to “Any” question. And neither should we be afraid of answering questions. Nor should we fear statements or rebuttals to our questions, but rather show the innocence of a child and fear not to be bold.

Every time my children feared the question I would put to them, I knew they were covering something up (that they were ashamed of). So it is with adults too. Don’t you agree? And not wanting to be misleading about my children, allow me to conclude by saying that all five of my children are wonderful people. And their Mother and I love them all!